Monday, August 20, 2007

Missing the Mark - Part 1

“God is doing an indescribable work in my heart. When I look back, this revival in my life actually began 19 months ago, sped up last fall and then went into overdrive at the beginning of this year. I have been a Christian for 34 years and yet this is by far the most intense season of grace I have ever encountered. It feels more like a born again experience than when I was saved at the age of ten. That is the reason I have decided to get rebaptized in the Jordan River tomorrow. I’m sure I will eventually write more details sometime in the future but part of the work God is doing is revealing my sin of self-suffiency and self-protection. I have lived much of my life attempting to gain as much knowledge as possible, so I would make the right choices, in order to stay in control, so I could protect myself from getting hurt. In essence, I have desired to be my own god, rather than trust God with my wounded heart. Now, nobody would have seen this on the outside. I didn’t even recognize it in myself until recently.”

"I am learning so much about the freedom to really enter into the rest of God by grace rather than striving to earn God’s love and approval through the law. "

I copied this from Lisa Welchel's (you know....Blair from the facts of life) journal. I know you were thinking......"you have been a Christian for 34 years???????" I know I am only 33. And I suppose you knew that I was not getting baptized in the Jordan River tomorrow. : ) So as you can see, I did not write that.....however, it captured so much of what I have been feeling, and I too have felt that God is stripping me of my old way of thinking and transforming my mind. It is amazing how much more sinful I see myself now, than I did when I was not so close to God.

I was looking back in my journal to find an e-mail that was sent to my friend about this very topic. I had woken up one morning to a new level of realization of my sin, and I felt overwhelmed by it, and e-mailed my friend to share it with her. I will not share the e-mail, but one thing that I shared with her, was that I looked up the definition of sin, and it really pierced my heart. It is "missing the mark (and so not share in the prize)". You know what that means? It means ANYTHING short of perfection is sin. I continued to tell her how I had this awareness of my sin and it brought me to tears while I was praying. I just saw the pride of my past (and my present), to think that I am not as sinful as I am.

I wish I could share the whole e-mail with you but I cannot betray a friend's confidence. If she gives me permission than I will. I would love to write more, but I will wait to see if I have permission to share more. If I do not, than I will try to make the rest make sense.

....Trusting the Lord to complete the work He has started in me...



Anonymous said...

Ok if anyone reading this blog can you spell conviction!! I just got home from a long night of praying and crying with a wonderful couple and just wanted to have some down time. So what I do is check e-mail and thought to myself I'll check to see if Christina added to her blog. (knowing she probably didn't) but my little heart beat a little faster seeing something new! Even though (I thought)I couldn't take more from the Lord tonight. As I was reading I felt a holy slap! Thanks I needed that! Do you remember those V8 commercials? I could of had a V8? I kinda had that experience reading your blog. Talking about sin in a way we should and to know what it really means, man can I BE more off the mark? Well maybe I could be more off the mark but to know that really I don't come close to hitting it is so convicting. Lord please forgive me! Make me see what is hidden and confess it to you!!!!
I am thrilled to read what you have to say more on this!
Amazing Grace How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me!
In Awe of Him,

Shelly said...

Oh girl...I am asking Him now for more godly sorrow over the sin in my life. Thank you...

It so blesses me to read the work He is doing in the depths of your soul.