David's Testimony

Once again, I cannot believe how long its been since our last post. It is so hard to put into words all the Lord is doing in us. Well, if we were sitting face to face having coffee, I usually never lack for words, but in a blog entry, I know you don't have 2 hours to sit and read. : ) I do have a particular reason for posting this entry today. I wanted to preface it with a bit of background so any new readers will fully grasp the miracle that our mighty God has done. I in no way want to take credit for what the Lord has done, and want to be sure He receives every bit of the glory He is due.

My oldest son David, who just turned 14 last month, was diagnosed with autism when he was 20 months old. He was considered high functioning and progressed quite well through the many therapy programs he went through for several years. We chose to homeschool by the Lord's leading when all other options through the public school failed. We came to realize when David was around 10, that he had Aspergers Syndrome (a high functioning form of autism). If you don't know much about AS, I will just be brief as this will be too long to go into that detail. David is extremely bright and does not struggle in academics, but struggles a great deal socially, and emotionally. There are many other concerns with fine motor skills and sensory issues that affect much of how he is as well, but for now I will focus on his inability to be flexible, and his difficulties to see things outside of himself. Transition is very challenging for kids with AS, and they see things from a very skewed perspective. I know we are all selfish, but typically we have a filter (a conscience) that tells us what is appropriate to say out loud and what we should not. David does not have that filter. There is a major issue with anger and anxiety that lies so deep in the depths of his heart, that had made the past 13 years extremely challenging. When David did go to school for a couple of years, his anger and anxiety hit a level that really concerned us. We pleaded with our Dr. for help. I NEEDED someone to direct us to some help. I wrote a letter to the neurologist that diagnosed him and explained precisely what we were dealing with so I would not leave anything out, and we didn't waste each others time. After reading my letter, the Dr. looked at me and said, "A behavioral program, or the health food store is not going to fix this. The root problem is anxiety and the only help is to put him on medication". We discussed the possibilities although that was a last resort for us. We almost felt we were at that point as David began to get very angry and even sometimes violent. We were not willing to go down that route as the Dr. explained that the type of medication he needed to be on was not recommended for children under the age of 18, and the side effects were depression and suicide.

We went home and cried and prayed. As we prayed, we were reminded of something we have read many times in God's Word. You see, the Dr. said there is no cure for anxiety other than medication, but I could not help but be reminded of Philippians 4:6-7
⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

There is a cure for anxiety, but we were very aware this needed to be a God thing. We were also very aware that if God didn't get a hold of David's heart, that medication may be in his future, but we would commit ourselves to the power of the Holy Spirit to lead David to Christ and to help David see his need for the Lord to get him through this. So many times our words fell on deaf ears. I will admit we were inconsistent with our parenting, and often times were driven to anger ourselves, which made us feel like complete failures. But never did we back down on the standards of God's Word, and what HE required of us. David has grown tremendously over the years as far as how he dealt with things outwardly, but the anger was still very prevalent. it was so evident because that was always his first resort and often times it was to forgo a consequence. We hit these issues of the heart every time, as we believe it is the heart that is the wellspring of our behavior. If the heart is right, the behavior will flow out of a natural love for God and not just because of correction. Again, we have continued to see growth in David, but something happened this past weekend that I believe is a memorial stone in David's life and ours. I wish you had the time to hear all the details (and I wish I could even remember them all) of how these events came together, but I want to share with you a testimony that David wrote yesterday. In his homeschool lesson he was required to write a speech that he was to give to a certain audience. He chose to write his testimony. We were completely blown away by what this 14 year old wrote. One thing we do love about David is his honesty. He does not say what he does not mean - and you will see that in his testimony. He does not pull any punches.

Before I end with David's testimony, I again want to give glory to God for His Word, His promises and His faithfulness. We are so unworthy of what He has done, and we thank Him for His indescribable grace!


(This is a rough draft, so it has several errors- and it is very long)

Hello and welcome, this is David Cooke, and I'll be speaking to you all about my testimony and hope you have the patience to listen.

First Main Point- My Struggles to get to where I am now

Trust me, I'm not fully grown. Not that it's possible. But I'm nowhere near being a really strong Christian. I'm still spiritually young, however I want this to give people encouragement to get through the early stages of Christian growth. I've had a lot of struggles spiritually during my time, however I've really been thrown into the crossfire of spiritual warfare in the past few months, and I hope hearing about mine will help you to grow spiritually stronger.


Subpoint A- Seven Years Old and My "Conversion Experience" which really meant little

Sometime when I was a seven years old I asked my mom how to be saved. I don't remember the exact words she used, but the answer was not really correct. She told me simply to pray a prayer and Jesus would come into my heart and I'd be saved. The bible never says that! I don't even remember the motives behind it, was it a real genuine wish to be saved, or was it just to please my parents, it doesn't matter! There is nothing in the bible that tells you to pray a prayer to ask Jesus into your heart and you'll be saved. Jesus says in Luke 13:3 No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish. Note that he does not say No I tell you; but unless you ask me into your heart you will all likewise perish. And It's not anything to do with a lack of forcefulness in those words, it's not the point. Jesus says it clearly again in in Luke 13:5 No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish. Just 2 verses later! He must mean it!

He also says in Luke 9:23 And he said to all, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. What is denying yourself? It means that it's not all about me or you, It's about others and even more Importantly It's about Jesus, the son of God.

I learned in sunday school one time about JOY. JOY stood for Jesus, Others, and You. And Jesus, at the front, is the most important of all. Others, in the middle, are more important then you, and you are last. The bible fully supports this in Philippians 2:3hp Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Oh what my parents hadn't taught me at the time. I don't think they had yet come to the knowledge themselves. I started having doubts at the age of 10, and thought that they were just strange, insincerities that could never be backed up in scripture. I was wrong, they are backed up quite strongly in scripture, as I have shown you.
Subpoint B- Preparing a move to Little Rock- I didn't care but I do now

It was March of 2007, the first of my struggles on my walk with God, or, If I had one at the time. Most of the time up till then, there really wasn't much happening. I had a happy life in Lehigh Acres Florida, two wonderful friends and some neighborhood kids to play football, and just nothing seemed to matter but me.

Or, In my mind, that was all that seemed to matter.

Nothing was really that important. I went to church every week with some likely false assurance of being a Christian. I didn't know all the other stuff that's involved, like denying yourself and repenting. I prayed a prayer, so I was saved, right?

Wrong!

As I said earlier, the bible nowhere supports the idea that being saved is just merely praying a prayer. But my either unsaved self or very baby Christian self showed itself the day my parents told me we were leaving home and going to Little Rock eventually. We didn't know how long it would take, but we in practice ended up having 15 months before we even left our house and 2 more before leaving state. We still aren't there.

That night I cried a lot, understandable, and I didn't want to go, understandable. But time and time again I told them we shouldn't do it. Why? I didn't want to leave my friends in Southwest Florida.

What were we to do there? We were going to work for Family Life, a subsidiary of Campus Crusade for Christ, and it worked with marriages and families. Did I care then about the many families that could have their marriages saved because of what my parents would do through that organization? No! But should I have, and should it have been expected of me to have? You bet your lifesaver!


Besides, they were fulfilling the Great Commission, found in Matthew 28:19-20 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."

Now, I pray to the Lord who saved me that we will get there as quickly as possible and do the work there he would have us.






Subpoint C- Thirteen Years Old and really starting to learn what it means to be a Christian through my parents

In March, 2008, we went to The Transformed Conference at our church, McGregor Baptist, done by the way of the master. It was there that I learned about false conversion, ways to witness, exc. I thought for a time I got saved that day, but I would later learn (Or maybe deep down I knew then) that just knowing the truth wasn't enough. I had never repented that I knew of, really. I still didn't understand.

In July, 2008, we had to move out of our house because the people we had recently sold it to moved in. We went to live with our Aunt Gina and Uncle Ricky in Ft. Myers. It was a heavy and frustrating transitional period, and my severe anger problem, buried for at least a year, attacked again.

I also started having doubts about my salvation, and when I talked to my parents, they really understood them and I was really correct to be unsure about my spiritual standing. The bible says in 2Corinthians 13:5 examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?--unless indeed you fail to meet the test!

Paul Washer, a great, convicting full-time preacher said something along the lines of "Examine yourself to see if you are in the faith. Don't ask yourself whether you have repented, but whether you continue to repent today. Don't ask yourself whether you have believed, but whether you are continuing to believe today.

It seems that the bible supports the idea that salvation is not merely a prayer, but that you must examine yourself and see whether you are continuing to believe in him and repent. Do you hate your sin? Many of us, including myself often, do not. If you do not, ask God to help you to hate it and love him. If you don't know it, ask him to show you. Subpoint D- The "(John) and (Dennis) Incidents" and how to handle them


Two incidents in consecutive weeks have helped grow my faith to where it is now. I didn't handle them all too well, but I later learned the right thing to do and will help me to grow in the future. They both occurred at the youth group at Calvary Baptist Church with two annoying kids at youth group named (John) and (Dennis). It may not be surprising for you to hear that they are friends.

(John) is a kid at youth group who is always very annoying, but a particularly annoying habit he has is to throw wet paper towels into my stall (And heaven only knows how he knew I was in there.) What I did at the time was threaten to hurt him, but in reality, I asked a youth leader to talk to him. Although that action was in the right, it was wrong for me to threaten him like I did.

On the way home, I was repeating and repeating to my dad how I wanted to punch him, how I didn't care that it was wrong exc. And this was only last week. This week a lot has changed!

(Dennis) is an annoying kid at youth group, who, like (John), always wants a reaction. To get one, he breaks a cookie and drops it on my lap. What did I do? A reasonably good choice, but not the best one. I told him to pick it up and upon his refusal I told a youth group leader who made him clean it up. What would have been the ideal choice.

My mom summed it up well in these words "Turning the other cheek that is in this case cleaning it up is the only thing that has power To show Jesus' love. Jesus backs up her opinion in Matthew 5:39 But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. This is the biblical thing to do.
Subpoint E- Fourteen and still much to learn


If you think that by listening to me all this time that I think I'm a self-righteous jerk who thinks I'm better than everyone else, you are gravely mistaking.

As I briefly mentioned earlier, I have a severe anger problem I am trying to defeat, but I'm not so sure I can alone. I need to trust God to help me get past those problems in his timing which will help me to be a greater witness for him. As you may see, my testimony is not really complete, nor is anyone's. The Christian, either a long-time Christian or a reasonably new one like me (Though I don't know the exact time which I got saved) We are always learning new things about God. If you're still a child living at home, you may be thinking, "I can't do anything for God, I'm too young." Whether it be Satan or society, don't let them lie to you. The book, Do Hard Things is a book for teens, by teens, and they certainly aren't bound by that lie. Second Main Point- Who says young people can't do big things for God?


It may seem impossible for a young person to do things for God, but it really isn't. I have read some of the book Do Hard Things which tells about some teens that really did go out and take on huge responsibility. In this part of the speech, I'll tell you about this book, my personal example of a time I took a small, Although you may consider it big, it really isn't, example of doing something for God, and my big plans for the future which may not correspond with yours. As is said in Veggie Tales "Little guys can do big things too." Subpoint A- The Do Hard Things book and 1 Timothy 4:12


1Timothy 4:12 Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.

After reading that verse, do you still think it's impossible for the young to do big things for God? It's not.

In the Do Hard Things book, the authors (Two brothers wrote it) told three stories about t teens from long ago who did Hard Things. Here are two of the stories in my own words.

A man named George was born in Northern Virginia in 1732 to a middle class family, and he lost his father at 11. At 16, he had mastered advanced math such as geometry and calculus. At seventeen, he was official surveyor of Culpeper County, Virginia. This was a man's job and was heavy work. He grew up to become the first President of the United States, George Washington.

David, not me, different David, was ten when he began his career at sea, and at 12 he was given command of a vessel that was captured during the War of 1812, and had a mission to return it to the United States. The former British Captain was upset about being ordered around by a 12 year old. He was allowed to keep his pistols, A symbol of his position, out of respect, and he said he'd go on deck with them. David responded by telling him if he did he'd be shot and thrown overboard. The former captain believed him and stayed below.

Talk about guts! And over something worldly! And we don't have the guts to tell our friends the greatest news in the world, eternal news about Jesus. Neither do I, but it's a problem. Remember the Great Commission: Matthew 28:19-20 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." This applies to the young and the old. Subpoint B- Handing Out Tracts in the mall


As I previously admitted, I'd call myself a young and immature Christian who has much to learn and much to do. However, the bible supports the idea that the young can do big things, and I have done something reasonably small that proves the idea that the young as well as the old can fulfill the great Commission.

The story started on Saturday, February 14, when my dad told me that that next Saturday the Schmitts were going to go to the mall to witness to people. I originally had no desire to go, but quickly changed my mind Sunday Morning. That changed quickly on Sunday Night, when I had my issue with (John), I realized that, if I can't handle that, am I ready to witness? But I decided to go, and handed out six tracts at the mall. I didn't talk to anyone, but I put the gospel into their hands. You can surely do the same.

Subpoint C- My dreams for the future, and why should you care?


My dream for the future a week ago? Make Video Games, be an author, something along those lines. Now? I want to proclaim the gospel. Am I a person who cares for nothing worldly and only the spiritual? Far from it! However, I am a person who wants to please God and grow closer to him, and to fulfill the Great Commission. Every Christian's dream should be the same.

Family Worship

We mentioned in our last newsletter that we would be doing a blog entry on Family Worship. A friend was telling us recently of a pastor that was interviewing for a position at a church. The Senior Pastor asked him if he was in a regular routine of leading his family in daily worship. His thought was the same as mine. When I think of worship, I typically think of singing. But that is not what the pastor meant.

Recently Dave and I listened to a Familylife radio broadcast that featured a pastor named Voddie Baucham. He talked about the importance of fathers being the Prophets, Priests, Providers, and Protectors in their home, and the responsibility of fathers to disciple their families - not the churches responsibility, but fathers. There will be situations where the father , for reason, is absent (whether in body or in spirit), and in that case it would be the mom. The point of this post is to encourage families that the responsibility of discipling our children comes from home, and we should not leave it up to others (i.e. the church)to do.

We listened to the program on a CD in the car while we were traveling form NC to GA. Dave expressed his heart to me about the conviction he felt to lead his family in worship on a daily basis. He has taken this task very seriously. I will share some simple things we have done, but ultimately would love to hear from others what you have done. We would like to hear thoughts, ideas, what you do, or even some frustrations you may have had in this area. If you are like me, you need ideas. What you do will depend on the age of your children, so we would love to hear from families with children of all ages. Nothing is too much or too little. Some of us need to start out small, so please share.

The way we started out was just picking a topic, verse or book of the Bible to read through and discuss. (Voddie talks about the 3 points he uses - can't remember them exactly, but the gist is, read the verses, discuss what the verses mean, and then talk about how you are going to apply it). We have been going through the book of Philippians, and dissecting it verse by verse. We have a time of prayer, and sing a few worship songs, which we usually let the kids pick. One day, Dave just asked the boys if anyone had a particular verse they wanted to discuss, and Samuel said, "Yes, John 1:12", then proceeded to open his Bible up to the verse and read it out loud - then we all discussed it. Next week, we are going to take turns having the kids lead the worship time. I'm sure tears and frustration will be involved. : )

One thing we have been meaning to do for years (see, you're not the only one who procrastinates) : ) is the "Family Nights Tool Chest" that is put out by Focus on the Family. These family game nights are set up as a devotional/game night, that include hands on activities to help your children remember the lesson. I pulled the book out last week so I can prepare for a lesson. This is something we would like to do once a week, but if we can even do it once a month, I know it will make a big impact. One example is on the tongue and the power of your words. There is a whole lesson with Bible verses included, but the activity is this: have your kids squeeze an entire tube of toothpaste onto a paper plate. Once it is all out, tell them to now put it ALL back in. of course they will tell you that is impossible. In which you would reply, "Yes, and it is the same with our words. Once they leave your mouth, you cannot take them back."

Another good resource that is simple but will have great long term rewards (especially for kids 12 and under), is a book called "Big Truths for Little Kids", by Susan and Richie Hunt. This book has great stories, and goes through the catechisms. A catechism is a set of questions and answers learned or memorized to teach a body of information. This book uses questions, answers, stories, scripture and prayer to help you communicate the character of God. It is fun for us as well, because we learn them too. I tested a friend on some basic questions and she failed. She felt the need to get the book herself to learn the right answers. : )

Click HERE to access audio or written transcript of Voddie Baucham's program.

We just ordered Voddie's book, that talks more about raising our kids is this culture we live in today. It is called "Family Driven Faith".

Our family has so much to learn, and having these times of worship with our boys is bringing out some of those things. We have had a great opportunity to hit some serious heart issues, and talk to our boys about the responsibility we have as believers in Christ, to prepare our hearts for God to do the work that only He can do. Some hard truths have come out, and it has given each of us an opportunity to examine ourselves, to see if we are in the faith (2 Cor. 13:5), and talk about the Cost of being a disciple of Christ (Luke 14;26-33).

We look forward to hearing from you...


Praying the Lord will bless every effort you put forth to bring Him the glory and honor He is so worthy of...

The Journey Continues

I wish we had been better at keeping our blog updated. I have many things written in my journal, and we have shared snippets of things we have learned between the blog and our monthly newsletters (available on our website), but unfortunately we have not tracked enough. Dave & I have experienced some things spiritually over the past year that have pretty much rocked our world. We have seen God in a way we never have, and we have truly been challenged in what it means to live the Christian life - the crucified life. frankly, it is quite scary. Scary because I know our eyes have been opened to see the truth of God's Word, and am afraid for so many that have never been shown the Word of God for what it really is. I am ashamed to say that for many years I thought I was OK spiritually because unfortunately I compared myself to those around me and thought I was just like every other Christian I know.

I am grateful that the Lord brought circumstances in my life that I truly could not handle in my own power and caused me to seek Him out of desperation for His power just to make it through with some kind of success, lest I look foolish for screwing it all up. I am afraid my motives were not always so pure and I did not even see it.

About 2 1/2 years ago, I wrote an e-mail that I placed in my journal because it had great significance of the realization of where I was at spiritually. I recognized for the first time in my life that I was not living the Spirit filled life that I read about in the Bible. The Bible says "You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you", and I felt I was very far from that power. I did not believe it was anything mystical, nor did I feel that i would go around healing people or speaking in tongues like they did at Pentecost. I wasn't really looking for anything magical, but I knew I was missing something. In fact, something that concerned me was when I would talk to others about it, they would engage me funny and not seem to know what I meant. they would ask questions like why I didn't feel I WAS walking in the Spirit, yet when I asked them if they felt they were, the answer was typically, no. That kind of bothered me especially coming from people I looked up to spiritually, people that are leading in our church. I wasn't looking to judge ANYONE, yet when I looked at others, I felt they didn't really have what I was missing either. I wasn't even quite sure WHAT it was supposed to look like, but there was a great gnawing in my heart, and today it is evident that God was piercing me. He had so much to empty me of and to teach me, and I was so blind - so prideful. I will never say I am not blind. As I was learning of my spiritual blindness, the Lord began to open my eyes to see like I never saw before. I began to read scripture in a new way - a way that is so real and alive. As I read all the verses in the New Testament about blindness, i saw the correlation between the physical and the Spiritual. In John 9:35-41, I saw that I was much like the Pharisees. And unfortunately as I talk with others around me, people are not quick to admit that they are blind (spiritually). Here are the verses.


35Jesus heard that they had thrown him out, and when he found him, he said, "Do you believe in the Son of Man?"

36"Who is he, sir?" the man asked. "Tell me so that I may believe in him."

37Jesus said, "You have now seen him; in fact, he is the one speaking with you."

38Then the man said, "Lord, I believe," and he worshiped him.

39Jesus said, "For judgment I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind."

40Some Pharisees who were with him heard him say this and asked, "What? Are we blind too?"

41Jesus said, "If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains.

So many think they are on the right track as I did. I was so much like a Pharisee in many ways. As I began to really study the Word, it became a mirror to me - seeing myself in light of who God is, and what HIS standards are, as opposed to comparing myself with others, and their standards. Now I read the Word and see how Holiness is what God requires, and His Word says, "without holiness, no one will see the Lord" (Heb. 12:14)- that is a sobering thought.

Over this past year, many challenges have been brought our way, and we came kicking and screaming through some of it - especially when it came to protecting my rights against being hurt and rejected. I am such a people pleaser and I want so much (too much) for others to be pleased with me. I do not handle rejection very well, and much of that has come my way over the past 15 months - more than I can handle at times. As I cried out to God many times, He challenged me on those rights and made it very clear to me that I did not have any. I remember one day sitting in our school room and crying in prayer about how hurt I was over a situation and God gently showed me how I was making it about me. I questioned Him and asked if I had the right to be upset over how I was treated. His answer was very gentle yet very firm - "No, you do NOT have any rights. the day you gave your life to me, you gave up those rights". I have to say that I did not repent right then and turn from my wicked ways. I battled for some time (and am still struggling with this reality). But God showed me something that day that was new to me - something I think that is new to many. And I say that because EVERY person I have shared that story with (and it has been many), have all had the same response, "Well, you do have the right to be upset". I know, it sounds good, but it is not the life that Jesus lived - not the crucified life where we are told that in order to be Christ's disciples we must "Deny ourselves daily, take up our cross and follow Him". (Luke 9:23). I wanted so much to hold onto these rights, but frankly the hurt came so often that i was tired of being hurt. I came to realize the attacks were not going to stop, and in fact it may get worse. the only thing to do was to deny myself, deny my rights, so I can have freedom FROM the hurt. taking up our cross daily means to crucify the flesh daily, and that includes crucifying our rights - especially seeing the example Jesus gave as He held onto to NONE of His rights and He is the ONLY one that deserves to keep them.

I heard a great quote once that my friend shared with me years ago, and today I see it as reality in my life. It goes something like this:

"To inoculate me from the praise of man, He baptized me in the criticism of man, until I was no longer under the control of man."

This quote means so much to me now, and I am beginning to feel that freedom. It still hurts, but I no longer try to protect those rights. I know they do not belong to me.

One thing God has revealed to both Dave and me - and my husband has taught me a lot in this area, is that everything, EVERYTHING that we do, every circumstance that comes our way is for the purpose of bringing glory to God. The attitude in which we have in our hearts toward God and toward others during the most trying of times truly tells of our character and relationship with Christ - a reflection of where we are on our path towards holiness. God has convicted me many times of the condition of my heart, even though outwardly I went through the right motions. He has shown me how my righteous acts are like filthy rags to Him, and ANYTHING I do in my OWN power cannot bring Him glory. Then how CAN I bring Him glory, as it seems I do so much in my own power? This is what we have been learning this past year - to surrender our hearts fully, wholly to Christ, so He (and only He can) change our heart, so the power of the Spirit can flow and do what only He can do. What my hearts feel is a good tester of how much of "me" is still in there.

This journey we continue to travel comes with much hardship, but we rejoice in the fact that the Bible assures us that every believer will face hardship. Because of the desire to bring glory to God, we are challenged to embrace these difficult times with fresh hearts and healed eyes. Of course we continue to submit to our flesh more times that we want to, but when we put our heads on the pillow at night - even through tears at times - we truly thank God for the circumstances that He continues to bring our way that are refining our hearts to shape them into the image of Christ.

We have more trials to face, ones we see and ones we don't see. The next challenge in our journey that we face is Dave stepping down from his current job, in order to start raising support full time. this is a HUGE (somewhat scary) step for us to take, as we will have to finish our support before a certain time, where as before we were not under that pressure.

This change will take place within the next couple of weeks, and we will take some time to visit with family and take the kids on a much needed short vacation before we head up to NY to raise support there. there is no telling of what that will look like, but we are trusting the Lord to continue to guide us every step of the way. He has provided a place for us to stay already and we are so grateful for that. it will be small and our family will become very intimate (or perhaps enemies) : ) The Lord's continued provision for us has been unbelievable. And I say unbelievable, because we have never trusted Him in this way before because we have typically made our own plans of how we do things. Trusting God in a radical way can bring much fear as you are no longer in control, and now we do things HIS way. I don't know why we ever doubted that He would provide this way, but it was perhaps because we weren't willing to have what HE wanted us to have as opposed to what WE wanted us to have.

Since the selling of our house and getting rid of so much stuff, we realized how much we have accumulated our own desires and then expected God to provide for them. Dave continues to tell people that we are "Happily Homeless." We laugh because in part that is true - we do feel very free, but on the other hand, we do look forward to settling into our own place and getting back into a normal routine. We will try to make the next couple of months a fun adventure for the boys and we trust that this time will be a great Spiritual marker for all of us, as we continue to be stretched along the way.

By His grace, and for His glory.....

Just some updates

Wow! I just realized I have not posted anything in 5 months! It's a good thing Dave has done a couple - I have been slacking! We are in the midst of packing and boxes everywhere. We have moved several times before but we have to be very strategic in our packing this time. We have to pack with the idea that we may not see some of this stuff for a long time. I have also noticed how attached I can be to things. I didn't realize it until it was time to part with it. Even after the 2 van fulls of boxes we sent to my neighbor's for a yard sale, I still feel like we have too much stuff - and we probably do.

Well, our closing is scheduled for Monday (as of today. It seems to change frequently ) :) - so our plan is to move out on Saturday and clean for the new family on Sunday. David spent the past 2 nights at his friend's house and he came home this morning before breakfast. He looked in the pantry (that has about 4 items left in it) and said, "Mom, can you make muffins?" I said no because I packed all my pans. Then he opened the freezer and said, "Can I have waffles?" And I said no, because I packed the toaster. So I told him to have cereal. Then he opened the cabinet to get a bowl and, well, you guessed it, I packed the BOWLS! OK, so I wasn't totally thinking, but I have my ways. I found a container of cool whip in the refrigerator and cleaned it out for him. : ) David's imediate response was, "Arkansas is ruining my life" : ( It was pretty sad that he said that, just because his breakfast plans were not as usual, but with David, and his typical srtuggle with anxiety, this is something that would normally put him over the edge. he handled it pretty well, but it gave me a glimpse of how the next few months may go for him. He has come a long way in a year! We talked about it for alittle bit and he has a pretty good perspective of what's to come, I think he's just tired of the interum - aren't we all?

There are still so many lessons to be learned along the way - and life seems to throw us some curve balls, but nothing happens that God doesn't allow to happen and we are being challenged more than ever to be sure we bring Him glory in all things. When things do not go our way, this is a great challenge not to think of ourselves, so we continue to confess our selfishness in this area and God continues to change our hearts.

Please pray for us over the next few months as it will be very outside the norm for our family, and we are trusting God to provide our needs and grow us more into the image of Christ every day.

To God be the glory in all things!

Psalm 115:1
Not to us, O LORD, not to us
but to your name be the glory,
because of your love and faithfulness.

Dave Strikes Again!

Wow, the world was so shocked to see a post from me, that the whole blog was silent for 3 months! I guess I'll have to post again!

Well, things have certainly been eventful! We have a buyer for our house, and we should be closing at/around the 15th of July. We will be staying with Christina's sister for a month or two, and, if all goes well, we will be heading up to New York in the Fall to try to finish up our support. Exciting times!

Support raising has still been a bit slow, but we are praying that we are turning a corner. We know that God has his perfect timing, and, unfortunately, it rarely lines up with ours. (Well actually, that's probably fortunate, because it will be much better in His time, than ours...) We are so thankful for those who have been faithfully supporting us over these last months, and are eternally grateful for those who go above and beyond to "go to bat" for us with people they know, or hold small group gatherings in their home with people that we would probably never have the opportunity to share with otherwise. THANK YOU!!

God has continued to bless in a myriad of ways. He is continually refining us and convicting us of our sin. We realize more and more as each day goes on how utterly unworthy we are to even be allowed to live, let alone live eternally in heaven with Christ. Our God is an Awesome God!

I will close with a sobering quote from Charles Spurgeon:

"Christ will be master of the heart, and sin must be mortified. If your life is unholy your heart is unchanged; you are an unsaved person. If the Saviour has not sanctified you, renewed you, given you a hatred of sin and a love of holiness, the grace which does not make a man better than others is a worthless counterfeit. Christ saves his people, not in their sins, but from them. 'Without holiness no man shall see the Lord.' 'Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.' If not saved from sin, how shall we hope to be counted among his people. Lord, save me even now from all evil, and enable me to honor my Saviour."
-Spurgeon

To God be the Glory!

A Message From Dave...

I had to put that in the title, because anyone who regularly reads this blog knows that Christina is the one who does the posting. I have on several occasions wanted to put something up here, but work and other commitments have kept me from it until now.

I am more excited today in my Christian life than I have ever been!! At our church last Saturday, we had a conference called "Transformed", and I don't think I have ever been to a more aptly named event! It was put on by an organization called "The Way of the Master" and you can find a link to their website in our favorite links on the left. One of the speakers, Kirk Cameron, many of you will remember as "Mike Seaver" on the classic sit-com "Growing Pains".

For the most part this was an evangelism conference, and I was most definitely challenged to be more bold in sharing my faith, but even MORE so, I was challenged to live a HOLY life! I believe that the church in America today waters down the message about the horribleness of our sin, and emphasizes the message of God's love and forgiveness. Don't get me wrong, our God is infinitely loving, and His forgiveness knows no bounds, but we treat our sin as if it is no big deal. We continue on in sins that we consider "acceptable". We criticize the drug addict, while we stuff our faces during Holiday dinner. As if drugs were more sinful than gluttony. We explode in anger, justifying it with pithy little sayings like, "That's just how God made me", or "God's still working on me, it's a process, of course..." Well, yes, we are not going to be perfect overnight, or quite honestly, until the day we try on our glorified bodies. However, how long are we going to hang on to the same old sins? How long before we realize that we are offending to Creator of the Universe with our lame excuses? One of the conference speakers, is named Ray Comfort. In addition to speaking at the conference, Ray also preached the sermon on Sunday morning at our church. He gave the following illustration (I am paraphrasing, as I don't have a transcript): "A young boy lived in a house on a lake with his father. He asked his father one day if he could go fishing on the lake. His father told him that he didn't want him to take the boat out by himself on the lake, as there were many alligators in the lake, and he didn't think it was safe. The father told the boy, that if he wanted to fish from the dock, then that should be fine. The boy happily agreed, grabbed his pole and bait, and headed over to the dock. After fishing for a while, the boy got a little bored. He felt that it just wasn't as fun when you weren't out in the boat. He thought that it would be more exciting out in the boat, with the alligators swimming around him. Besides, he would be completely safe in the boat! So he got in the boat, and pushed off from the shore. He was having a great time. He was having fun fishing, and every so often, he would see one of the huge alligators swimming near him. Everything was great until one of the alligators swam too close to the boat, and his tail hit the side, capsizing it! The boy immediately panicked and screamed at the top of his lungs. The father, hearing the noise from the house, ran down to the lake, and without hesitation, leaped into the water, and pulled his son to safety. As the boy struggled to calm himself down, he noticed something alarming... His father's legs were a mangled mess! An alligator had clamped down on his legs while he was pulling his son to safety. Blood was everywhere. Now, how would you feel toward this young lad, if he then stood up and said..."Look, Dad, I really appreciate you pulling me out. That was pretty scary! But it WAS really fun out on the lake, and the alligators WERE exciting to see up close. If you don't mind, I'm going to head back out in the boat. See you later!

You would say that this kid has no appreciation, or understanding of his father's sacrifice. He might as well have ground his father's blood into the dirt.

Guess what... That is EXACTLY what we do, when we knowingly continue to sin after accepting Christ. It IS a process, but the process should be more of God revealing new sin to us over time, not taking years to give up the one's we know about!! For my entire Christian life, I felt sorry for my sin because I knew that I shouldn't do it, but I never fully realized what I am saying to God every time that I sin. I am saying that his sacrifice doesn't mean much to me.

James 4:7-10 (NLT) says: "So humble yourselves before God, Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up in honor."

My challenge is this: Let's hold each other accountable. Let's get rid of the logs in our eyes, so we can see clearly to help remove the specks from other's eyes. Let's take seriously Matthew 5:48, "But you are to be perfect, even as your father in heaven is perfect." Cast off the sin that so easily entangles, and race to get the PRIZE!!

PRAISE THE LORD!

HE IS RISEN!!

Unless A Kernal of Wheat falls to the Ground and Dies...

My friend called me last week and asked me this question, "Christina, when in your life (or if ever) have you ever experienced the resurrection power of Jesus Christ?" My friend is always great for making me think. WOW! That was a deep question - one I had to really think about. The first verse that popped in my mind is the verse that talks about how the same power that raised Christ from the dead also lives in us. Have I known that power? My mind went in every direction over the past 2 years of how I have been on this journey of knowing that power. I wrote about it in my last post. I so desperately want to live in that power, to live knowing it is not my strength but God's. In my Spirit I knew there was so much more, and I prayed, and dug into the Word and listened to the Lord's voice as He led me through (often times not as quickly as I wanted to go).

The very next verse that came to mind was :

John 12:24
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.

I cannot even explain the process of how God worked in my heart, but in about 15 minutes I began to journal the whole process over the course of 2 years of what God was up to in all the difficulties that we have gone through - and the difficulties have lasted much longer, but my desperateness to experience the power of the Spirit to overcome the difficulties was more in the past 2 years. As I thought about that verse, it was so clear to me what God had been doing. I knew all along that it was for a purpose, and I knew I needed to surrender my rights, my frustrations, everything.....But I wasn't sure how. The process TAUGHT us how. I cannot explain it any other way. I couldn't have chosen it to be different. I had to learn it. Dave & I both had to learn it.

This verse is explained so perfectly in a book that was recently given to us, called Brokenness, by Lon Solomon. He talks about the process of how God has to break us in order to use us - I mean FULLY use us. he quotes, "Our self-life and all of its out-workings - self-trust, self-reliance, self-wisdom, self-will - are the things that increase our resistance to the Holy Spirit's movement in and through our lives." Yes, this is what I want. Not just to tap into my own strength and be useful, but operate out of the power of the Holy Spirit because I have died to myself - my self-rights, my self-reliance, my self-will. I honestly don't know how anyone gets to that point without God breaking us. I could never choose to be so dependent on my own. That has always been my desire, but one day God just hit me with the truth that I was not, and I was powerless to be where He wanted me to be and I just desperately sought Him for the answers - often times wanting formulas. Another thing Lon Solomon talks about in his book is that God does not anoint programs, He anoints people. That really hit me too, because I'm always looking for formulas to make my situation better.

He goes on to explain the verse in John 12. "A kernel of wheat with its hard outer shell intact is useless. The wheat cannot sprout and grow. There is life on the inside, but it cannot be released. However, when the wheat's hard outer shell is broken and cracked open, then the life of the wheat can come out and grow and bear fruit and bring blessing to its world. The real issue is not whether there is life inside the kernel of wheat but whether the life that is inside can get out and make an impact on the world around it. And this depends on whether its hard outer shell has been broken. Jesus points to this truth of nature and declares that it is the secret to bringing forth 'many seeds' for God. So, Jesus says, a Christ follower is just like a kernel of wheat. When we give our lives to Christ, the Holy Spirit takes up residence in our innermost being. Just like the kernel of wheat, we have the Spiritual life inside of us. But every one of us still has that hard outer shell of our self-life. The result is that the life and power of the Spirit of God can't get out - it can't flow through us. Just like physical seeds, God must break the hard outer shell of every Christ-follower so that the life of God can pulsate through us freely and spill out onto the world around us."

One life he talks about is that of D.L.Moody. D.L.Moody was already in our eyes considered a great man of God before He was broken. It seemed He lived for Christ, but there were 2 older women that thought differently. They knew Moody was not living in the power of the Holy Spirit, and although he had a great love for God, most of what he did (they felt) was in his own strength. Oh that sounds so much like me. While Moody preached, they prayed. Moody did not get it - he thought their prayers should be directed towards the congregation and not him. But one day, the great fire of Chicago came and stripped Moody of everything. He found himself alone and devastated. but his spiritual hunger remained. Here, God brought Moody to the end of himself. Here, Moody suddenly saw how much of his work in Chicago had been propelled by his own energy, power, and drive. Here, Moody confessed that he had been like Moses in the early years of Moses' life. Here, quietly, Moody surrendered himself totally to God. Moody quotes, 'Before this, I was always tugging and carrying the water myself, Now I have a river that carries me!' " One thing that truly amazes me is that after this brokenness process happened for D.L.Moody he quotes, "I went to preaching again. The sermons were not different. I did not present any new truths and yet now thousands were converted...I would not now be placed back where I was before if you were to give me the world...It would be as the small dust of the balance." WOW! that strikes me hard as I am reminded that God does not anoint a formula but a person. I have often wondered why what I am doing is not working for me, even putting forth great effort. I am convinced now more than ever, to surrender my self to God. It is His plan, His agenda. The product of the process is so worth it!

There is so much more from this book I would like to quote, but if any of this is resonating with where you are at in your journey I highly recommend getting this book.

I pray that anyone who reads this blog, and is going through this brokenness process that you be encouraged! God's agenda is for us to be free, not feel the bondage we often do. So often we resist the things that God so wants to use to teach us - right down to the small stuff. It starts with the small stuff. If there is a circumstance in your life that you seem to run away from because it is too hard, maybe a relationship you avoid because it is too difficult, I would encourage you to pray hard before you make that choice. You may be missing out on living a Spirit filled life. So many choices I have had to make in my life were the more difficult choice, but I knew the product would be worth the process. And it so is! I have so far to go and I am excited to see what the Lord does next....

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.