Answer to a friends comment

My friend "Toknowhim" commented on the "Worship - part 2" post, to explain about the mountain top analogy the Lord gave me awhile ago. It is difficult for me to post JUST this analogy without giving the details of how I got to that point, but I will try. : ) Several years ago, when I really began my intimate journey with the Lord, He began to reveal himself to me in a way that overwhelmed me - in a good way. In the past I was very critical and had very high expectations, not only for others, but myself as well. I thought it was good to have those expectations. I felt I had discernment and could see clear into certain situations. The very first scripture that I can remember the Lord waking me up to (back in 1999) was Romans 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Now back in my legalistic state, I obsessed over HOW I was conforming. If God could just reveal it to me, I would change. Well, it wasn't that easy. He began to take me on a journey that truly renewed the way I think. A journey that revealed the sin in my heart that resulted in sin, as opposed to just working on the sin. You see, if I just stopped the sin on the outside, my heart would not have changed. (Oh I am SO tempted to go off that topic and explain that - my journals have years of stuff on that alone). OK, back on track - so one of the first bible verses that I read that literally jumped off the page to me were in Romans 11. The whole chapter really, but I will highlight verse 6 "If the part of the dough offered as firstfruits is holy, then the whole batch is holy; if the root is holy, so are the branches." I cannot explain what happened in my heart that day - I was amazed that the Word of God came alive to me and showed me how the root is my heart and the branches are my works. See, I was so focused on my works, but I needed to be focused on my heart. OK, so now I understood this concept in my head, but it took years to transfer to my heart. I also had much opposition to face from leaders, teachers and friends who felt I was not being biblical for focusing so much on the love relationship and not on obedience. It was so fresh and new to me but I was CONFIDENT of what God showed me. SO I think because I was being opposed by others, and seeing clearly that they were not getting it either, there was a spiritual pride that came over me. I had no clue at that time of how far I needed to go, I just knew I was not in the right place.

So as time went on over the years, the Lord would of course humble me, and then reveal Himself again-in a new way. I often felt so alone on this journey because I felt like no one understood me. I actually remember one day thinking to myself, "life is pretty good right now, I feel like I have things pretty much together" Oh, I had so much to learn. Of course the process was always the same - I felt pride with every new revelation, and then the Lord continued to humble me. One day in my quiet time, I had a very specific vision so to speak of two people . I felt SO burdened and thought, "God, if you are teaching me to love others and not see their flaws, and not be critical, then why are you allowing me to see this?" His answer was so clear AND overwhelming. He revealed how He Had indeed given me a gift of discernment, but what He intended for good, I abused. What God intended was for me to pray for others and share truth in a loving way, but I used the knowledge as judgement. It took me so many years to work through this process. One big obstacle I had, was I had so much false doctrine in my head that had to be purified by the truth of God's Word. I still could not let go of the whole works salvation - I still put so much attention on performance instead of the heart.

So I had a season of my life where I felt like the Lord clearly told me that I needed to take a step back from ALL ministry and that we were going to go on a "humbling" journey. Of course at the beginning of all that I wanted God to just tell me the areas I was being prideful in, but He had to SHOW me; He had to TEACH me. Oh, it is so painful - but what a genuine love I have for Him and others.

During this whole humbling process, I began to see that the closer I grew to Christ, the further I had to go to be like Him. I thought as I was growing, I saw myself getting closer, but when God humbled me I saw how much further I had to go. He is so gracious, and I love that He is sovereign, and His ways are perfect. I can trust in that now - without so many questions.

So to the mountain top analogy. During this process, my eyes began to open and the Lord gave me a picture of myself on the top of a mountain (during those sweet times when He revealed Himself to me), but He didn't forget to remind me that that was clearly NOT the top! He now allows me to enjoy the mountain top experience, but with great humility, I know that in His sovereign time, He will show me the top. Back in March 2006, this is a part of my journal entry:

"I can't even express the freedom I feel in my heart. I feel like I've climbed a mile high mountain and endured the pain and suffering to get to the top and what a thrill it is to get there. BUT my pride has been broken TOO many times to know this is NOT the top. But God lets me feel like it is and lets me enjoy the moment and I only see below, but in due time, I will look up again, and His mighty hand will sweep across and move those clouds that were in my view and allow me to once again see that I am CLEARLY not at the top."

I am confident that during this journey I have hurt others with my pride. I wish I could personally repent to each one, if I only knew who each one was. Often times it is difficult to let go of past hurts, and I would not want to be responsible for someones broken fellowship with God because of my sin. I pray if that is the case with anyone, that the Lord will put it on their hearts to tell me. I will readily repent. There are some, that as I type, that I already know I have hurt that I need to go to.

God is so good, and worthy of the hardships we have to go through to truly bring Him glory with our purified lives. I know we will not be sanctified until heaven, but I pray I remember to keep short accounts of sin - repent each moment I sin - and bring Him glory in my journey.

Praising Jesus for His loving kindness, grace, and forgiveness........

First Support Goal Trip

As something to look forward to, we told our boys that when we hit certain goals in our support, we would do something fun as a family. This past weekend, we celebrated our first goal. We took a family trip to my brothers home in Alabama. The boys had SO much fun. They all got to ride jet skis, go tubing, and go 4 wheeling through trails in the woods. We even played Hide and Go Seek on 4 wheelers! It was SO fun! There were two mishaps over the weekend. My 2 year old niece got second degree burns on her foot by stepping on a VERY hot piece of metal in front of the fire place. She did not skip a beat though. She was so good and happy even though her little feet were all bandaged up. The second thing was that David was SO excited that he learned how to ride a 4 wheeler ALL BY HIMSELF, so I followed him on another quad around the lake. He did great! He wanted to go again, so I asked my sister Gina if she could follow him this time. As I went in the house to wash my hands, and I look out the window and I just said, "UH- OH" You have to keep in mind that my mom was worried about EVERYTHING and EVERY safety issue you can imagine. She obsessed over life jackets, and helmets, and you name it, she worried about it. So my sister Nicole asks if this is an "Emergency UH-OH" and I look at my mom and she is looking right at me so I shake my head no and then quickly YES - I think this is tragic! I looked out the window and I see David IN THE LAKE. It actually was quite funny. I don't know how he managed it, but he drove the quad right into the lake. We came in and told my mom that I guess she would make a new rule that you not only had to wear helmets on the quads, but life jackets as well! : )

Samuel, me & Jonathan. When I was riding just me & Samuel, he
looked back several times with great excitement and said, "Mommy this
feels like a DREEEEAAAM! But it's not, right mommy?"

Jonathan learned to ride the Jet Ski by himself. He was SO excited.
He just gave us a big grin every time he passed.

Dave, David, Samuel, & My niece Toni-Leigh

My brother-in-law Ron gave everyone tube rides. That was SO fun!

Samuel

David

Jonathan

My sweet sisters, Nicole & Maria, my niece Stephanie, My niece
Adrianna and her dog Hunter. Jonathan up front, my nephew
Anthony to the right and my niece Toni-Leigh on the jet ski.

Jonathan riding the quad ALL BY HIMSELF.
Thankfully he stayed out of the lake. : )



We have our next goal trip planned, we just don't know when we will reach that goal. This gives the boys something to look forward to. I think they are each excited in their own way about what the Lord is doing, and I know they are blessed with every new supporter. It is such a joy to share with them how God's people are so faithful. We can see their faith grow right along side ours. David actually told me some things the other day that he was LOOKING FORWARD TO about our move. The presence of God is so apparent in this whole process, we just rejoice with every passing day. God is so good and we are thankful for this time away with our family. It was much needed!

True Worship - part 2

My mind has been spinning in so many directions the last couple of weeks, that I don't know where to begin. Even more since the last "True worship" post. So I will just add to the last one and go from there.

I had asked for you to read those statements from John Piper and think about what thoughts came to mind when reading those particular verses, because when I read them, I definitely had a reaction. Years ago, I felt I was falling very short from living the joyful, abundant life that God had promised in His Word. I did not feel like I was living much different from the rest of the world. I knew I should be obedient, and I tried so hard to obey the commands I knew. One very evident command for believers is what we call "The great Commission." This command is to go and make disciples of all nations. Yet it is the command that is most neglected among believers. I became very involved with the evangelism program at our church, but something in my heart was not right. I felt I was acting out of a sense of "duty" as opposed to joy. The Lord brought to mind an analogy of a salesperson. If I were a salesperson selling a particular product, how effective would I be if I did not believe in the product I was selling? By no means am I (or was God) comparing a relationship with Jesus to any product, but the point was that I was not experiencing Jesus in a way that made me excited to share Him. When Dave goes out to sell kitchens, he MUST believe in the product he is selling. There have been lots of ups and downs in his job, and I have frequently asked him how he stays motivated to sell during those frustrating times. His answer is always the same, "Because I believe that Cornerstone is the best cabinet company out there. I believe they will do the best job." I asked him how he would do it if he didn't believe that. He simply said he couldn't. So I ask myself the same question. What is motivating me to share Jesus? Is He not worth sharing? I knew He was, but in my heart, I obviously did not feel that way.

At that time several years ago, I was not enjoying God's Word either. I would read things like, "Your love is better than life" and yet I did not feel that. The bible says God's Word is LIVING and ACTIVE, yet I was not experiencing that. What I WAS experiencing was a conviction that I was not living up to His word. I love how Paul says that Jesus came to fulfill the law, but we are not exempt from it. He asks the question, "So what was the purpose of the law?" It was to lead us to Christ. (Gal. 3) The law shows us our inadequacy. Having the law shows us how we fall short of the holiness of God. My problem was that I tried to obey the law, instead of the power of the Holy Spirit in me to obey the law. I just didn't know how to access that power, even though I knew that power was in me. The bible says, "You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you". (Acts 1:8) I knew I had asked Jesus into my heart, but I felt powerless to obey His commands.

I will add more at another time, but I will end with this: Those quotes from John Piper really stirred my soul. Maybe some Christians will read that and think it is extreme, or they think they cannot love God that way. Or they feel that intimacy with Christ is not supposed to be that real. Oh how I ache for those believers who miss the abundant life that God has promised for each of us. God has revealed Himself to me so much over the past several years that I have been accused of being over zealous. And at times I have been - not that you can really be too zealous for God, but it was more of a zealousness for the truth. I was on a mission to have a relationship that I knew God promised in His Word, yet I did not see it being lived out around me. So I think that zealousness came out in a way that was critical of the believer, because I knew people weren't getting it. I wasn't getting it either. As my eyes opened to the truth, I thought I WAS getting it. Unfortunately, every time I had this so called mountain top experience, God would move the clouds away from my eyes and show me where the mountain top really was. I am learning to enjoy those so called mountain top experiences, but still knowing that I have SO far to go.

When I read God's Word now, I truly love it. I can honestly say His love is better than life. I feel affection for Him in my heart, even on the bad days. What a process it has been to get to that point, and yet I truly see how far I have to go. That love I have for Him now, has nothing to do with maturity on my part, or any thing I have done, but just learning to trust and believe Him for who He says He is, and surrendering my will to Him. Next post, I will talk about that word "Surrender." What a process that continues to be.....

Pursue His heart. He promises that if you seek Him with all your heart, you WILL find Him.....

Why I love Jesus

In the blogging world, I guess you get "Tagged" to post certain things on your blog. I have been "Tagged" To tell 5 reasons why I love Jesus. ONLY 5!?! I can do that - easy!

1. I love Jesus because He gave His life for me, so I can be forgiven. Lately, as I have grown closer to Him, my sin is so much more clear (like Isaiah when he was in God's presence and saw himself in all his sin). So as my sin is before me, and I repent, I am continually reminded of His grace and mercy!

2. It is because of Jesus' death on the cross that I can have the power of the Holy Spirit in me. Without His daily guidance, moment by moment guidance, I would be directionless and purposeless.

3. I love Jesus because He really does meet my every need! When I think I need something other than Him, He is always faithful to show me where I get my satisfaction-It truly IS in Christ alone!

4. I love Jesus because I can trust Him. I love that I do not have to fear anything in life because He promises to be with me - He promises to never leave me nor forsake me - and He promises to complete the work He started in me. WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO TRUST HIM?

5. I love Jesus because HE IS! He IS everything I need Him to be. He is my strength, He is my healer; He is my comforter, He is my provider; He is my shelter, He is my joy. His love is better than life! He is my all in all!

WOW! That was fun! I do not have any blogging friends besides the one who "tagged" me. So I will ask those of you who check this site, to post 5 things that you love about Jesus in the comment section. They can be brief. I would love to read them, and I think you will not regret doing it!

May Jesus be all you need today and every day!!!!!

Real Worship

Of course, it has been some time since my last post. It's not because nothing is going on, but the opposite. I feel I don't know where to begin. My mind has been spinning with good things over the past 2 weeks, I don't know if I will be able to put it all into words. God has revealed so much to me over the years in pieces, and so much of those pieces are coming together like a puzzle and I'm beginning to see a beautiful picture. I can't quite make it out yet, but I can see it's coming together. So rather than write a book in a blog entry, I'll continue to add pieces of the puzzle (hopefully at least weekly).

I'll start with some things that will get your mind thinking - like mine did after reading this for the first time. Several years ago, I read a book called "Desiring God", by John Piper. This book is jam packed with some deep stuff - it took me over a year to read it because it was so deep I had to read most sentences twice. Some of you are not surprised by that. : ) I read things like: "God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him," and "The presence of God's Spirit in your life takes away the frustrated soul-thirst and turns you into a fountain where others can find life", and "Strong affections for God rooted in truth are the bone and marrow of biblical worship", and I love this one, "Worship is a way of gladly reflecting back to God the radiance of His worth. For God surely is more glorified when we delight in His magnificence than when we are so unmoved by it we scarcely feel anything, and only wish we could." Ok, I thought I would stop there, but there are so many more.... How about this: "The great hindrance to worship is not that we are a pleasure seeking people, but that we are willing to settle for such pitiful pleasures"

What are your your thoughts when you read these statements? What are your thoughts when you read these scriptures?

Psalm 63:1-3

1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

Psalm 73:25-26

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

I will end with this story taken from the book, and then I will comment on the next post.

"If God's reality is displayed to us in His Word or His world, and we do not then feel in our heart any grief or longing or hope or fear or awe or joy or gratitude or confidence, then we may dutifully sing and pray and recite and gesture as much as we like, but it will not be real worship. We cannot honor God if our heart is far from Him.

Worship is a way of reflecting back to God the radiance of His worth. This cannot be done by mere acts of duty. It can be done only when spontaneous affections arise in the heart.

Consider the analogy of a wedding anniversary. Mine is December 21. Suppose on that day I bring home a dozen long-stemmed roses for Noel. When she meets me at the door, I hold out the roses, and she says, "Oh, Johnny, they're beautiful, thank you," and gives me a big hug. Then suppose I hold up my hand and say matter-of-factly, "Don't mention it; it's my duty."

What happens? Is not the exercise of duty a noble thing? Do we not honor those we dutifully serve? Not much. Not if there's no heart in it. Dutiful roses are a contradiction in terms. If I am not moved by a spontaneous affection for her as a person, the roses do not honor her. In fact they belittle her. They are a very thin covering for the fact that she does not have the worth or beauty in my eyes to kindle affection. All I can muster is a calculated expression of marital duty.

Here is the way Edward John Carnell put it:

Suppose a husband asks his wife if he must kiss her goodnight. Her answer is, "You must, but not that kind of a must." What she means is this: "Unless a spontaneous affection for my person motivates you, your overtures are stripped of all moral value.

The fact is, many of us have failed to see that duty toward God can never be restricted to outward action. Yes, we must worship Him. "But not that kind of must." What kind then? The kind C.S. Lewis described to Sheldon Vanauken: "It is a Christian duty, as you know, for everyone to be as happy as he can."

The real duty of worship is not the outward duty to say or do the liturgy. It is the inward duty, the command - "Delight yourself in the Lord!" (Psalm 37:4) "Be glad in the Lord and rejoice!" (Psalm 32:11)

The reason this is the real duty of worship is that this honors God, while the empty performance of ritual does not. If I take my wife out for the evening on our anniversary and she asks me, "Why do you do this?" the answer that honors her most is, "Because nothing makes me happier tonight than to be with you."

"It's my duty" is a dishonor to her.

"It's my joy" is an honor.

There it is! How shall we honor God in worship? By saying, "It's my duty"? Or by saying, "It's my joy"?

Worship is a way of gladly reflecting back to God the radiance of His worth. Now we see that the mirror that catches the rays of His radiance and reflects them back in worship is the joyful heart. Another way of saying this is to say

The Chief end of man is to glorify God

BY

enjoying Him forever"

Arkansas or Bust!

Here is a picture of us in some T-shirts that Dave's sister sent us. We got a package in the mail one day, and when I opened it, I just smiled. : ) How cute is that! I wanted to take a picture so Laura (Dave's sister) could see us in them. I wanted to take A picture, but we took a bunch. The sad part is, after all those pictures, we end up posting the first. It was a sunny humid day in Florida, and every picture came sunny or foggy. : ) This first one was the only one you could really see. Of course David and Samuel are not exactly how I want them them to look, but I thought it actually captures my kids in all their glory. Samuel will be a big goof ball any chance he gets and David is showing you how much he loves and values taking time out of his agenda to take a picture. : ) Jonathan, of course just goes along for the ride.....

He Knows What He is Doing

I have a friend who views my blog almost daily to see if I have posted anything new. She said she was tired of seeing "Let's just learn stuff". : ) Her blog is fun and has new posts almost daily (you can click on it from the side bar~~Toknowhimjesus), mine however doesn't seem to have the same feel as hers. It originally started so others can track our journey, and I can only write so much about being busy and wishing for some down time. : ) But I will say that we are learning SO much in the process. I guess that is all part of the journey.

Maybe I can keep up a little more with things that God is teaching us. There is so much, I don't know if I can put it all into words. One thing that can happen is it is easy to get stuck in a routine - any routine - whether a busy one or a slow one. It's easy to go about your day and feel like you've missed God. I know He's always there, but I can often miss the moment by moment fellowship. If I don't choose to stop and pray or focus on Him, I will miss Him. In the past couple of days, I have felt somewhat disconnected. I was so desperate the other day for some quality time with God, I had to literally go into my closet, shut the door and pray. I was feeling a bit discouraged about some things that were completely out of my control. It is easy to get discouraged - even if you ARE praying and in the Word! I was doubting some things and I confessed them to the Lord. I also confessed to the Lord that my biggest fear is missing His will - that somehow I am blinded from the truth because of pride or selfishness. I can specifically confess some sin that I know the Lord has revealed to me, but often times don't know how to surrender that sin.

It may seem simple, but I'm not talking about outward sins, I'm talking about heart sin. Things that you don't just give up, but things that require the Holy Spirit to do through you. I confess those sins and want the Lord to give me freedom QUICKLY. I so need His power to complete the work He has required of me. During my prayer time, God prompted me to find a book from my all time favorite Bible Study teacher Beth Moore. In her book, "Things Pondered", she wrote a poem that I knew God wanted me to read. After reading the poem, I was so encouraged to know that God in His perfect timing, will reveal His plan to me if I keep that fellowship with Him.

When I don't see things happening, I wonder what God is up to (or not up to) : ) For example, I can be going through the same situation as a friend and I can see things turn around quickly for them and wonder why the process always seems so long for me. I realize that God is not half as interested in making things easy for me, as He is to be glorified BY me. The difficulty in the process changes our hearts. I have seen that time and time again. I would not take back ANY of those hard lessons if I had to give back my sight. The poem will explain it better:

The Life I Planned

Has someone seen the life I planned?
It seems it's been replaced
I've looked in every corner
It's lost without a trace

I've found one I don't recognize
Things missing that were dear
Promises I'd hope to keep
And dreams I'd dreamed aren't here

Faces I had planned to see
Hands I planned to hold
Now absent in the pictures
Not the way I told.

Has someone seen the life I planned?
Did it get thrown away?
God took my hand from searching
Then I heard Him say

"Child, your ears have never heard
Your eyes have never seen
Eternal plans I have for you
Are more than you can dream."

"You long to walk by sight
But I'm teaching eyes to see.
I know what I am doing
'Til then, you must believe."

He's done so much, I felt ashamed
To know He heard my moans
To think I'd trade in all he's done
For plans made on my own.

I wept over His faithfulness
And how He'd proved Himself
How He'd gone beyond my dreams
And said to Him myself,

"No, my ears have never heard
My eyes have never seen
Eternal plans you have for me
And more than I could dream."

"Yes, I long to walk by sight
But you're teaching eyes to see
You know what you are doing
'Til then, I must believe."

I felt His great compassion
Mercy unrestrained
He let me mourn my losses
And showed to me my gains

I offered Him my future
And released to Him my past
I traded in my dreams
For a plan He said would last.

I get no glimpse ahead
No certainties at all
Except the presence of the One
Who will never let me fall.

Are you also searching
For a life you planned yourself?
Have you looked in every corner?
Have you checked on every shelf?

Child, your ears have never heard
Your eyes have never seen
Eternal plans I have for you
And more than you can dream.

Perhaps you long to walk by faith
But He's teaching eyes to see
He knows what He is doing
Child, step out and believe.


"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what
God has prepared for those who love Him."
1 Corinthians 2:9

Do you ever feel like you always live your life out on a limb? I often times do. but I heard it once said, that that is where the fruit is!

Oh Lord, thank you for teaching my eyes to see! You know what you are doing. Until then, I will believe!